Flunkyball--a How-To in pictures

Hey all!

I know I've summed up the fliunkyball rules here before, but no one ever died from a comprehensive How-To if there were pictures involved.  All of these I have stolen from the Kiwi, because I forgot my camera.

And now...

Tina's Official Flunkyball How-To!

With step-by-step photo instructions

and detailed explanations.

Accompanied by an increasingly smaller typeface

and arbitrary font changes.

For starters, pick a really nice day.  Make sure you also pick a raindate (this is Germany after all), and, if the raindate turns out to be warmer than the original date, make sure you decide to reschedule.  And then STICK TO YOUR GUNS when this results in an intense couchsurf debate.  Because you're the organizer goddamit, you are awesome, and not even Jesus can touch your executive decisions.  Yes, that's right.  Shamelessly wield your power.  And then feel vindicated when Saturday turns out to be drop-dead gorgeous weather.  

Then, make sure you have begged, bribed, and threatened enough people into showing up.  Alternatively, you can also make your grilling/flunkyball event sound so cool, thirty people will show up, and not one of them will require cajoling.  

Before the game starts, take stock of the amount of meat and beer you have (respectively, the kebabed equivalent of an Indian elephant, and the amount of liquid required to drown said elephant).  Then start grilling, preferably on two grills, because it's going to take a long time to roast that entire elephant.  And get to work on all that alcohol.

Watch, highly amused, as your boyfriend and your Kiwi friend declare themselves arch-enemies at war, because one can't speak German, and the other can't understand the Kiwi accent to save his life.  And since New Zealand actually fought in WWII, make WWII jokes.

Then, start making teams!  Since this is a proper tournament, organize volunteers into four teams of four.  And commence with the first round!

The first two teams line up across from each other.  

Sometimes it helps the general mood of the game if they make angry faces at each other and shout profanities.  Since no one has a beer can, put a little soda in the bottom of an empty orange juice carton, and use that as a target.  Then, each team sends a representative out to the middle to fiercely rock-paper-scissors for going-first privileges.  Laugh your head off when the first German, instead of shaking their fist, swings their arm.  Store that piece of knowledge away for the next time you have to play rock-paper-scissors with a German.

Judge calls game start!  Throw your flunkyball whisk, as you do.  

Explain to a baffled audience why you play flunkyball with a whisk.  

Then keep playing.

When you have good aim and knock the orange juice container down, everybody DRINK FAST.

Keep playing until one team has successfully drunken all their beers.  Winning team high fives!

Continue playing, until one team has won the tournament.  Then realize you're running low on beer.  Enlist two volunteers to make a beer run.

In the meantime, convince the Irishman to play the saxophone.

Then remember you're parked next to a pirate ship playground, and all the children have gone home for the evening.  Commandeer said pirate ship.

Attempt to reenact Titanic.  Fail terribly.

Continue with flunkyball.  Be a solid judge and stick to your guns, even though it means making Al drink four extra beers because the Kiwi keeps knocking over his with the whisk.  You can even attempt to play yourself, even though you make your team lose because you can only finish half your beer, mostly because it's so disgusting. Attempt to play again using a Fanta/beer mix.  Almost win, until you accidentally knock your own drink over.  Since there's no more Fanta, convince the French girl to stand in as your substitute, since she drinks beer.

Towards the end there will be a dramatic boys vs. girls showdown, with six members on each team.  The girls will win the first round, the boys the second, and since they'll refuse to play the tiebreaker, the girls will make them all mad by yelling "Who gave up?  THE BOYS GAVE UP," and calling themselves the champions by default, WHICH THEY WERE, boys.

Eventually, there will be no more beer left.

Realize this pile is only a quarter of the amount of alcohol that was consumed.  Be really, really impressed by everyone at the party who drinks beer.

Since you're out of alcohol, carry your enthusiasm over to the fake-Mexican bar, where you'll lose half your group to the sports bar around the corner for the FC Bayern/Chelsea soccer game.  Join them for the penalty kicks.  Cover your ears to keep your brain from exploding every time the Germans score, and the bar freaks out. Root for Chelsea just so it won't be so noisy, and be happy when they win.

To conclude your wonderful day, go home and fall asleep.  Wake up the next morning to weird poundings coming from the house on your right, and horrendously loud Elvis from the house on your left.  Get screamed at by the lady who lives under you because she's insisting you were moving furniture around last night, even though you didn't get home until an hour after you were supposedly moving furniture around. Decide your furniture has come to life.  Go through the rest of your day trying to catch it moving when you're not looking.

And that, my friends, is how you do things German-student-style.