28 June 2012

Agh.

Agh.  An entire week without blogging.

I'm SORRY!  I really, really, really am.  In approximately a week and a half, my life will go from full speed ahead double turbo pirate shit to leisurely pedal-boating down the river of my life, but until then, it's all GET UP ON DECK YE BASTARDS.

Up until yesterday, the demon in my life was my Kony 2012 essay.  I don't know what it was--how complicated my thesis wound up being, anxiety about turning in my first grad school essay, or maybe just the fact that I was out of practice--but my 4-6 page essay turned into four days, 10-15 hours per day, sitting in front of my computer, dragging this essay piece by screaming, crying, over-researched piece out of my brain and into Microsoft Word.  Never in the history of anything has an essay taken me that long--generally I tend to start them at 11 PM and I'm done three hours later.  It's not even like this essay was in German, which would at least have given me a bit of an excuse.  But I'm super happy with the end result though, and, geekily enough, kind of proud of myself.  I think it's a damn good essay.  The only problem is that when I format it my way, it's a page over the limit.  When Al reformatted it the German way it was...four pages over the limit.  And apparently, there are a lot of professors in Germany who will knock giant chunks of your grade out for that.  Yeah, whatevs.  So be it.  I've already edited it down to the bare-bones, so if coloring within the lines is more important than turning in a solid paper, then consider me the Jackson Pollock of the ethnology department, but minus the alcoholism.

Now I've got to produce yet another 4-6 page essay (research, not thesis, thank Zeus) for Wednesday, although this one has to be in German, accompanied by a ten-minute presented introduction.  Then I have just five short days to come up with a forty-five minute presentation.  In German.  By myself.

The good news is that after, I'm more or less done.  I'll have to turn my presentation into a 12-15 page paper, but that'll get done in English, and then produce another 4-6 page essay for another class.  My goal is to get everything done by the end of July, so I have all of August to spend in Berlin/Poland, and all September for Ireland.

Things that are interesting!  Al and I went to Hannover and Saturday, and met up with Latvian Friend in the process.  It was really nice seeing her again.  The three of us wandered all around the city and took fun pictures, which I will post as soon as I steal them from Al.  But here, have this picture of a massive, massive, massive carp.

You know your life is sad when the most interesting thing you have to post on your blog is a swan-eating carp.

That's not entirely true.  I do have one or two good stories up my sleeve, but they're still in process, and I want them to finish so I can properly mock them  And by "them," I meant the batshit psycho old people who live under us.

Fun things that happened today!  I headed down to the river, because the summer gods had seen fit to bless us with the first day of good weather in like a month.  There I ran into British Friend, who was apparently about to text me and invite me to come meet her.  Yay for being efficient and/or psychic!

So we chilled on the river for a few hours, and talked about lots of highly entertaining things, including the advantages of adopting a baby from Africa (you can keep it's head shaved so you don't get lice).  I also learned that while I told all my friends about the blog, I'd apparently forgotten to send them the link, so they had to spend a solid amount of time google searching it.  However, googling my blog is hard--the search terms that eventually worked were "tina" "germany" "game of thrones," which makes me really, REALLY happy.

Then it was time for the Italy/Germany soccer game, made even more exciting by a brief confrontation with some random old dude who threatened war if the people for whom we were saving chairs didn't arrive soon.  The people we saved chairs for showed up, and Germany did not win.  I know this is blasphemous, but I was fine with it.  It meant I didn't have to deal with people screaming.

Don't tell anybody I said that.

Yes I AM the lamest person in the world.

Tomorrow is Culture Night in Göttingen, so we're going to get together, go to random bars/concerts/see Galway perform at a local club.  Three cheers for having fun even though I'm relatively certain I will not survive until next Monday! 


21 June 2012

Quick Life Update

Hey all!

A really quick life update for you.  Things are fun and exciting, but so so so SO busy. I'm in the middle of intensely over-researching my Kony 2012 paper, and I've finally settled on what the paper is actually going to be about.  It's going to be two-fold--the first half is going to be an analysis of the discourse Invisible Children uses to further their cause/posture themselves as "global."  The second half is going to be an analysis of the unintended consequences of Kony 2012's failure--namely, that it has opened the floodgates for the US to further militarize Africa.  Originally I had wanted to do an intense breakdown of why Kony 2012 failed so miserably in the first place (my theory is that digital activism only translates into the real world if the content is being produced by the same people it's supposed to benefit), but that would require doing hard-core research on other digital activism campaigns/human rights and social media, and I don't have time.

I've got to get this paper done this weekend at the latest, because next week I've got to start over-researching a paper on the US's militarization of the Pacific during WWII.  I think I'm going to go a linguistic route--I'm curious how the US justified blowing up people's islands.  Whatever I do, I have to get that done by the end of next week, so that I have at least a week and a half to prep for my 45 minute oral presentation on American politics in relation to Indian languages.

I love grad school!

In other news, it looks like I've landed a job correcting a thesis for the month of July, and if I do it well, there's a chance the department might hire me on a permanent basis, which would be brilliant.  Because I need money.

Also, I got a package from home today.  It contained, among other things, pink Old Navy flip-flops, the giant college ave creamery sign my sister and her friend stole from the frozen yogurt section of the Rutgers Dining Hall, and fish food for the as-of-yet unpurchased Storsjöodjuret, Second of His Name, Supreme Lord of All That is Wet, May Death Come Swiftly to His Enemies.  All of these things made my day.

Other stupidly exciting things coming up!

--Al is going to be in Berlin the month of August, and I'm debating going with him, if I can find some sort of job on short notice.  But even if I only go to visit, we're going to Poland for a weekend, which will be really really fun.

--Claire and I are going to Ireland for the month of September!  We're too cheap to pay for transportation though, so our new great idea is to buy bikes in Dublin, and then sell them when we make it back (if we make it back) at the end of the month.  We've tried to make actual plans, but...yeah, we can't plan.  I'm pretty sure we've both more or less made peace with the high probability that at some point we will sleep in a barn.

--Galway had the fun idea that the two of us should try busking in Göttingen and seeing if we can actually make any money.  We've had a couple practice sessions already, and thus far have produced some pretty kickass covers of such timeless classics as "Three Little Birds," "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," and "All the Single Ladies."  If we get video, I will put it up here, I promise.  I was freaking out for a while, but now I'm kind of excited about it!

That's all I got!  Sorry I haven't been particularly entertaining as of late, but I have some fun posts coming up, I swear.  I just have to get this paper done first!

I'm on it.

20 June 2012

Very Sad News

Today is a very, very sad day.  Storsjöodjuret, First of His Name, Supreme Lord of All That is Wet, May Death Come Swiftly to His Enemies, has died, after being in my care less than a week.

In my defense, he didn't die because of me--I didn't drop him in the sink (I DIDN'T, JEAN).  Nope.  He got a swim bladder infection, which apparently happens a lot in the young fish because they're young and stupid and their swim bladder is half the size of their body.  I did everything the internet told me to--I made sure his water was always warm, and I changed it multiple times a day, which is what you're supposed to do.  No avail.  He kicked it.

So now my problem is that I really want a Storsjöodjuret, Second of His Name, Supreme Lord of All That is Wet, May Death Come Swiftly to His Enemies.  But I don't want to go back to the guy I got the first one from, because I'm afraid he'll ask about the fish, and I'll have to make it sound like I didn't kill it.  Which I didn't.

Maybe I'll just go back in two weeks, and be like, "Hey that fish you gave me was a girl.  I'd like another one so I can breed them."  And by "breed," I mean, "try not to kill."

Even though I DIDN'T kill this.

17 June 2012

One year Germany anniversary!

Hey all!

Exactly one year ago yesterday, I arrived in Germany, cracked out on excitement/lack of sleep and minus my suitcases because Scandinavian Air had left them in Denmark.  My former host parents picked me up from the airport for the start of a nine-month long au pair adventure, with the prospect of a university adventure just over the horizon.  And now here we are, one year later, happily embedded in the German higher-education system, reflecting on all the things I've learned in the last year.  It was a tumultuous year, to say the least--the highs were intoxicating, and the lows made me seriously consider seeking professional help.  So it's good to be on the other side.  And it's also good to make lists.

Therefore, I give you...

Tina's Official List of Things I've Learned in the Last Year


Things I've learned about Germany

1)  Germans are disproportionately terrified of mold.  And I don't mean like, serious mold in the walls, because that shit actually is horrible for you.  I mean retardedly stupid mold, in, for example, the bathroom.  You know, the one they sell cleaners for.

2)  Shoes are not required to attend class here.

3)  No one does bureaucracy and arbitrary fees like the Germans.  No one.  

4)  The German banking system is designed to make you feel like you're in that scene from Apocalypto--you know, the one where they're stretching out unwilling prisoners and cutting their hearts out as sacrifice.  But your money's safe, at least until until they stretch you down and cut you heart out.

5)  Nothing gets done unless you fight for it.  My theory is that Germans want to see you fight for your documents, else they assume they're not important enough to process.  It's like survive of the fittest, but way too enthusiastic, and applied to paper products.

6)  There is actually an official Institution for Standardization.  I can't decide whether this is hilarious or tragic.

7)  Ice cream that looks like spaghetti is AWESOME.

8)  If a dictator came to power in Germany, no one would notice or care--but only if the coup took place during the European Soccer Championship.

9)   Pencil cases never go out of style.

10)  Upon booking airline tickets, only in Germany will a call to the airline with the question, "Can I pay for my tickets in a few days?" result in an answer of, "Sure, not a problem."


Things I've learned about America


1)  Wow are we optimistic.  About everything!

2)  Our politics look like an absolute joke on the other side of the pond.  This is due to the fact that they are, actually, an absolute joke.  But in America, there's always that terrifying possibility they'll become reality.

3)  In comparison to Germany, we have a whole lot more freedom in our daily life.  Sometimes too much, but that's the way the cookie gets devoured.

4)  Everything, everything, EVERYTHING is cheaper in America.

5)  We may be racist bastards who allow the KKK to make a fuss about adopting a highway, but at least we openly acknowledge that race is a major topic--and we can discuss it.  Unlike in Germany, where, if you want to talk about race, you can only do it a) in an academic context, and b) in English.  Because that makes sense.

6)  We are far more informal with our professors.  And our professors also work more closely with us in...everything.  Thank goodness my advisor is Australian, I don't think I could get anything done if I was beating him back away with a broomstick.

7)  I've said it before, I've said it again--we may be total bitches when it comes to tuition fees, but at least students can get money.

8)  We have a lot more freedom of topic when it comes to writing papers.

9)  As students, we don't debate nearly as much as we probably should.

10)  There is absolutely noting positive about our health insurance system.  Zero redeeming factors.  Nil.


Things I've learned about myself


1)  I am incapable of hanging my coat up.


2)  Watching your beloved family pet get eaten by zombies and being drawn and quartered are probably the top two worst things that could ever happen to a person.  Picking lice out of your head is a close third, however.

3)  I'm approximately one horrible life event(read: another stint as an au pair) away from having serious, serious anxiety problems.

4)  I can't change for anybody.  I try, but somehow I always wind up making a Jesus joke.

5)  I will never, ever, ever be on time for social functions.

6)  I have brilliant friends.

7)  In some respects, I am so American, I blow my own mind.  Like how I can't look at naked people.

8)  I dress to what I think the weather should be, not what the weather actually is.

9)  Germany is not my end destination.  It's good for the next few years, but then I'll probably be moving on.

10)  I like myself.


Things I've learned about the world


1)  Some people just won't like you.  It doesn't matter how hard you try, what you do, what you don't do--all you really can do is accept it and move on.

2)  You can still make banana bread with tea sugar.

3)  What constitutes a lie varies greatly from culture to culture.

4)  Barring Portugal, no one likes Christiano Ronaldo.

5)  You can flush soluble food waste down the toilet.

6)  Scandinavia wins at everything, except for low low prices and sunshine.

7)  There are two types of crazy--the type that sells Bibles door to door, listens to Creed, and says the word "flock" too much, and the type that believes in Waldorf principles.

8)  Always have at least two whisks in your kitchen.

9)  Organic plastic bags will always start to decompose long before they're full.

10)  Letters from home are amazing, every single time.

12 June 2012

my FISH!

Guess what I did guess what I did guess what I did!

GOT A FISH!

I've been pining after a fish since way back when I was au pairing, because I wanted something alive in the house that a) didn't hate me, and b) wasn't a plant. However, betta fish in Germany are fiendishly expensive, like, ten dollars expensive, and I refused to pay ten dollars for something that costs three in America.  So I resigned myself to no fish.

Then, last week, I saw that a student had posted online that he had betta fish and was giving them away.  I jumped on that like an angry kangaroo on the first white man's head.  Apparently he (the student, not the unfortunate first white man in Australia) breeds them for fun, and now he has a lot of babies.  I took him up on the offer and got me a fish.  He offered me multiple babies, but I declined, mostly because I only have one bowl and if you put bettas together, it turns into the fish version of The Hunger Games.

Random sidenote, wow do Germans take their betta fish seriously.  German betta fish live like royalty, they have giant aquariums, complete with bubbles, plants, deep-sea divers, and snails bigger than they are.  In comparison, our betta fish live like whipping boys.  In fact, I doubt any of my fish's relatives have ever seen the inside of a (small) fishbowl.  If they ever come to visit, they will most certainly call the German version of the ASPCA on me.

At any rate, I've decided to name my baby betta fish after the Swedish lake monster Storsjöodjuret--thus, Storsjöodjuret, First of His Name, Supreme Lord of All That is Wet.  For short, "The Kraken."

He'll grow into it.

May the odds be ever in your favor, fish!

10 June 2012

COBURG! (or, how we saw a lot of castles)

Hey all!

Once again apologies for the lack of posting, I've spent the better part of this week alternately dying in the library, or dying in my bed, after I fell off my bike and broke myself.  But I healed up just in time to go to COBURG! to see Al's city and meet his parents!

For starters, when Al asked me if there was anything I wanted to see in his corner of Bavaria, I said "castles."  Second, in the three hours it took to drive to his house, we saw ten.  So basically, my day was made and we hadn't even arrived yet.

I don't remember much of Friday because I was really, really tired, but I do remember that his parents were lovely, lovely, lovely people right from the get-go.  Also, I got to see pictures from when Al was little and blond!

Saturday we met up with one of his friends at a cafe for a bit, and then we hit the city. I'd heard before we arrived that Coburg has a tendency to look like Disneyland to Americans, and I can now officially say, that is completely true.  Check it out:

Most people would look at this building and assume it's very important/someone famous lived here.  Neither is true.  This is a bank.  How's that for neat!

And then there was the city's coat of arms, which at first glance, really freaked me out:

I was like, hey, pause session, is that a black man's head in profile?  Why yes, yes it is.  Hello there racism, how's your mother doing?

Good news!  This is actually the patron saint of Coburg.  He was a Moor (named Maurice.  Maurice the Moor.) that the Romans hanged, but not before first dragging him through the city.  So in case you ever wanted to become a patron saint of a German city, now you know the way. 

And here's where the Jews lived, until they weren't allowed to live there any more:

And the square, where everything is pretty:


And us, being us:

And here's the residential palace, where the royal family lived during peacetime:

And here's the fortress, where the royal family lived when the Swedes were trying to kill them:

Officially known as Veste Coburg, colloquially referred to as "That Kickass Castle On The Mountain."

The cool thing about Coburg is it's surrounded by approximately ten million castles, the biggest and most badass of which is Veste Coburg.  It's the second-biggest complete castle in the middle of Europe, and it was never taken over, mostly because it's a) really, really high up, and b) surrounded by three really, really thick walls.  But A for effort to you, Sweden.

For the better part of the afternoon, Al and I ran around the castle like fiends, taking silly pictures, looking for the dragon, and planning my future castle.  I found, to my amusement, that whatever view I had of the middle ages has more or less been displaced by the mutton-eating, skin-flaying, winter-is-coming bastards that inhabit Game of Thrones.  And from the battlements I also discovered what I'm pretty sure was Mordor.

More castle pictures:





And this is where they kept the bears up until the early 1900's.  Because, you know, if you can't have a dragon, the least you can do is a bear pit.

After an intense day of castle-ness, we went back to his parents' house for the Germany/Portugal soccer game.  I spent most of the first half making fun of Germany and referring to Ronaldo as the "king of Portugal", but the game proved so interesting, I wound up passing out for most of the second half.  Germany ultimately ended up winning, even though all were in agreement it was entirely undeserved, though this didn't stop me from changing allegiances in the last minute of the game.  Yes, you may call me Tina Turncloak.  Yes, I need to stop fucking reading Game of Thrones.

Sunday!  Was another castle day!  This time we started off with a lovely walk through the grounds of Schloß Rosenau, where Albert (Queen Victoria's Albert) was born.  We found black swans, minus Natalie Portman:

And then the castle.  Technically we were supposed to buy tickets, but I'm of the opinion "If you ask, the answer will be no."  So we marched in and looked around, and no one bothered us.  The revolution will start shortly.



There was a barn on the grounds!  Once again, walked in and pet animals:

Then we met up with his parents, and all took a roadtrip over to Schloß Callenberg, where the prince of Coburg lives with his American wife.  I spent much of the trip over contemplating what a fabulous pick-up like "I'm a prince of Germany" is.



The castle was super adorable.  Also, there was a chapel with a high pulpit I'm pretty sure the tourists aren't supposed to climb, but I'm a rebellious mountain goat who spent most of her temporary priesthood looking for her flock:

Then we wandered outside to find deer and mountain goats.  Apparently, the prince of Coburg enjoys occasionally shooting and eating them:


And that was our weekend!  The way back was smooth sailing, an Al even let me drive the last forty-five minutes to celebrate that my international license expires tomorrow.  Lots and lots of fun.  His city is gorgeous, his parents are so so so cute, and everything was amazing.

Back to the real world, I've got a metric crapton of Portuguese homework, and Al and I have a Swedish presentation tomorrow.  

See you guys soon!

05 June 2012

reading reading reading

Hey all!

Sorry (once again) I haven't been posting as much as I usually do/would like to.  Not to sound like a broken record, but life is fiendishly busy--the amount of reading I have to do before the end of the week is more than a little horrifying to me, and despite having spent in the last two days more time reading than sleeping, I've barely made a dent in my pile of books and articles.  And I desperately need to clean my room, and I don't have time.

Despite the fact that I have North Ugandan politics/indigenous identity/Swedish coming out my ears, I'm having a brilliant time, grad school is the shit.  No, really, it is actually the shit.  My advisor (which I already have?) is awesome, I met with him today and we kicked around ideas for my thesis.  From the looks of things, this is going to get done in slightly unorthodox fashion--it appears that I'll be taking a semester off to do six-nine months of research in what will probably wind up being either Australia or Wales.  Why do your degree in four semesters when you can spend nine months chilling out in a (new!) foreign country, I ask!

In sad news, the Kiwi has left for Indonesia on a fieldwork trip that will probably be less than a year in length, but still feels way too long.  I miss her to pieces already.  We had a pretty fabulous last-night party though, the couchsurfers met up for drinks, I brought a whisk, and (like you didn't know this was coming), we all piled outside the bar for a couple rounds of possibly the most intense flunkywhisk game ever.  The first round was briefly interrupted when a punk guy with pink hair peed on a statue and then stomped on our flunkywhisk can.  The second round was equally entertaining, even though no statues got peed on, and we even got challenged by a random group of students who wanted to play the winner.  We obliged, and kicked their asses.  I say "we" like I played, but really I was just the ref.  But I am a really, really, really good ref.

Saturday morning Al and I woke up bright and early to meet the Kiwi at the train station and see her off to Indonesia, and it was sad.  I spent the rest of the weekend alternating between being sad and reading.  And then Al and I tried to watch The Town, but I fell asleep halfway though.  And now it's Tuesday and I need to go read shit.  I don't know if it's exhaustion or just the fact that I haven't been academic in almost two years, but you know when some bastard carves your brain out of your skull with a teaspoon, mashes it up, molds My Little Pony action figures out of it using the Play-Doh hair salon set, and then shoves it back into your cranium?  My head feels just like that.

Much over-highlighting,
Tina

01 June 2012

3 Things That America Does Better Than Germany (But Shouldn't).

Anyone who talks to me on a regular basis knows how much I enjoy living in Germany. I realize if cynicism, sarcasm, and dark humor aren't really your things, it may very well come across on my blog that I have a long list of painful things I want to do to Germany that would make even the Spanish High Inquisitor proud.  But remember, I only mock the things I love.  And I love Germany.  That I've been here almost a year and still love this place is a testament to how wonderful it really is.  Al and I even have a point-system competition going, where he's always finding plus points for America, and I'm always finding plus points for Germany.  Germany is fabulous, and, let's be honest, does almost everything better than America--health care, university, beer, you name it, Germany wins.  But in a few very surprising areas, America not only kicks Germany's ass, it grills said ass in a frying pan and hands it back on a stars-and-stripes- platter.  And these are not the areas I would have thought America would win in.  Awesome snack foods and crappy politicians, yes.  But efficiency, student funding, and access to birth control?  Really?

Allow me to explain!

1)  Efficiency and Bureaucracy 

Ironically enough, for a country that prides itself on being efficient, Germany is positively backwards when it comes to actually implementing efficient tactics.  In fact, getting shit done here is only marginally easier than it was in Bolivia, which was a third-world country, but if worst came to worst, a well-placed bribe could always be counted on to get the system moving.  In the midst of a bureaucratic nightmare, this is the single redeeming factor.  Unfortunately, Germany bureaucracy is like Nightmare on Elm Street teamed up with Invasion of the Body Snatchers to lock The Exorcist in a basement and eat its' face off (which, ironically enough, seems to be the new black in America).  And you can't even bribe people so they leave your face alone.

The problem, I've decided, is that any system in Germany is like a well-oiled, German-made machine.  But there's virtually no communication between the various cogs in the machine, so nothing gets done and you wind up just kicking the damn thing and cursing about how next time you're buying Japanese.

As an example of horrendous efficiency, take, for example, my library.  The university itself has a really, really good library, which is also shaped like a hand for a bonus points.  However, each department then has it's own smaller sub-library, which is confusing unto itself, because God forbid your book crosses departments, hope you like goose chases, sucker.  My department is no exception to the confusing rule, although for extra efficiency, our library is spread out across two buildings.  If you've finally located your book, here's how you check it out:

Step 1)  Fill out a form.
Step 2)  Receive your semester library card, which is not your student ID like every other functioning university library on the planet.  Rather, it's a pink piece of paper which doesn't fit in your wallet, thus prepping you for future bureaucracy when you lose it/the semester ends.
Step 3)  Get your books.
Step 4)  Show the librarian your semester library card.
Step 5)  Fill out a form for every book you take out, with the book's title, author, call number, and date of publication, which the librarian then stores in a box.
Step 6)  Go home and ponder why your department library is stuck in the 1870's.

This is how every other functioning library on the the planet works:

Step 1)  Get books.
Step 2)  Scan ID card and books.
Step 3)  Leave.

In all fairness, the university library itself is digital and normal and not weird unless you count the shaped-like-a-hand thing, which I rather like.  But my department's library, while excellent, is also useless in the efficiency department.  I'm sure it has a very good reason for resisting the passage of time, but I don't know what it is.

2)  Funding for Students


Just to be clear, it's no secret that the German university system is about a million times better than the American system.  The quality of education is better, and little or no tuition means that the bank will never own your soul.  However, in America's defense, it is an absolute bitch trying to get funding as a student here.

In the US, scholarships are merit-based; work hard, get money, it's like the American dream wrapped up in a five hundred word essay.  And if your grades aren't good enough, or you don't want to deal with the hassle, it's always really easy to get a loan--walk in, fill out some forms, e voila.  And while there are certain negative aspects of the system (like ridiculously expensive tuition fees which means you spend the rest of your life trying to pay the bank back for your soul), the fact of the matter is, it's easy to get funding as a student.

Not so here.  Scholarships are politically-based, so your interests need to lie with those of the party, or else it sucks to be you.  And financial aid is based on whether or not the organization determines your parents earn enough to give you an allowance every month, like you're a ten-year-old learning the value of a dollar.  For me, this means that, in a system meant to help every student afford university, I get cockblocked like it's my job: I'm too foreign, I'm not foreign enough, I'm not from a war zone, my country is too rich, I'm not studying long enough, my parents are middle class and should support me and never mind that they've got my little sister whose university costs 20K a year.  This is when I usually start to hit things, or cry, or both.

On the plus side, Al 's been helping me with form after form after form which is amazingly nice of him and I need to think of some brilliant way to pay him back.  He's optimistic and I trust him.  Something will work, I'm sure, but in the meantime, it's hugely frustrating.  If my financial aid application gets rejected, the next step is to try all the conservative political parties that my host parents talked me out of applying to. When I told my friends here that story, the reaction was a unanimous eyebrow raise, followed by a, "Money is money man, you take it where you can get it."  Apparently, sticking to your principles is something you can only afford to do on a double income--which I'm okay with.  At this point in my life, principles are lovely, but they don't buy me dinner.

3)  Access to Birth Control


That line about principles doesn't apply to this, mostly because I'm a woman and this is a female principle.

I realize access to birth control is a major issue in America right now, not so much hot-button as it is hey-dude-your-control-panel-appears-to-be-on-fire.  The female body has become the Afghanistan of American politics, and it is not a fun feeling.  The conservatives and the democrats are eating each other's faces off (new black, remember?), everyone's trying to make abortion illegal, Rush Limbaugh calls every woman who takes birth control a slut--the battle goes on and on.  So, in all fairness, when it comes to the stability of access to birth control, Germany is a clear winner. But if we narrow our criteria a bit--from all of America, to, say, New Jersey--Germany goes down.

Since I'm not the most educated person in the world on this stuff (Jen, you know way more about this than I do), feel free fact-check me.

New Jersey is not the greatest state for access to birth control, but it's a far cry from the worst as well.  But it beats out Germany in two major areas of the issue: insurance coverage, and abortion.

Starting in August, under one of the new Obama laws, insurance companies that cover prescription drugs also have to cover (completely) birth control.  At the moment, I think it depends on your insurance--some will cover it, and some won't.  Unlike in Germany, where the public insurance refuses to pay for birth control at all except for health reasons, and "not getting pregnant" doesn't count as a health reason.  And birth control unto itself is expensive.  Like, really, really expensive.  Another plus for NJ is that you can get the morning after pill without a prescription, seven days a week, and it's relatively inexpensive.  In Germany, you require a prescription from a doctor, and the pill is expensive, and insurance won't touch it, and the doctor is closed on Sundays, so if your condom breaks on Saturday, the earliest you can get the morning after pill is Monday.  By which point you might as well start picking out baby names, because getting an abortion is complicated.

In Jersey, you can get an abortion on-demand, on the spot, and most insurances will cover part, if not all, of the procedure.  Not so in Germany.  The public insurance system won't touch it, so you're looking at a few hundred euros out of pocket, right from the get-go.  In addition, I find the process they make you go through offensive. First, you have to go to the doctor to determine you're pregnant.  Then, they send you to a psychiatrist who, from what I understand, has to try and convince you not to have an abortion? while also gauging whether you're mentally sound enough to have one at all?  If you fail the other-options test, but pass the insanity one, the psychiatrist gives you a certificate.  Then you have to wait at least three days before they let you go back, present the certificate, and actually have an abortion.  And in Bavaria, you can't get an abortion at all, so in that way, it's sort of like Ireland.

Despite how difficult Germany makes it to get birth control, the population growth rate is in the negatives.  In my brain, this means either one of two things:  German condoms are the magical prophylactic equivalent of the Berlin Wall, or people just don't have sex.  Survey says?


In conclusion, that was my three things I find America does better, but shouldn't.  Because this is Europe!

In other news, Berlin was a wonderful, wonderful, and very long day.  We left at eight-thirty in the morning, and the Kiwi and I spent the entire 3.5 hour drive there harassing the boys and dancing obnoxiously to ninety's and Glee mixed CDs.  Once we arrived, our group split up in three different directions, as Al and I went to first meet up with a friend I went to Bolivia with, and then do some of our own touristy things.  Somewhere in the course of the day, I bought two Dunkin Donuts, which I then put in my purse so I could loudly and frequently remind everyone that I had doughnuts in my purse.  We got home at 3.30 in the morning, and were broken the entire next day, but at least we all had fun!